Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
