It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
