If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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