At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was born a porn star she said
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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