I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
