It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
