I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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