return my video game
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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