My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
