OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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