I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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