Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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