So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
