why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
