I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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