You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
