I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
