He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
