Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
