my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
