I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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