don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
