Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
