Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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