In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
