Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
