I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
