she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
