very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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