I CAN MOONWALK!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
