How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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