OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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