I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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