He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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