You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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