3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
