So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
