He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
