i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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