you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
