It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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