Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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