so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
