he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
