Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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