dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
