i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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