Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
