he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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