My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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