I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize