remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
