good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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