Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
