dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
