I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
