We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
