so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
