Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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