I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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