This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
