So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
