Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
