so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
