would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
