Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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