I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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