got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
