You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
